Marriage Mixed Martial Arts

Every sport known to man has its own set of rules to play by. There are strikes, walks, and outs innings in baseball; Soccer, Tennis, Football, Boxing, Golf all have their own brand of rules of fair-play. All rules are drafted and sanctioned by the players and the various leagues or governing bodies, for the benefit of all.

Mixed Martial Arts, aka Cage Fighting, is a so-called “sport” whereby kicking, punching, kneeing and nearly every kind of offense deemed legal save for biting. Over the past decade MMA has gradually replaced Boxing as the violent sport of choice.

Virtually every other sport is designed to have one victor and one loser. However, when it comes to marriage the rules of combat are drastically in need of change. Both partners in a marriage ought to be for a win-win situation, in every situation. That can be an impossible task when one or the other is destined to win at the expense of the other…and sadly the marriage.

Even marriage needs its own set of rules of fair-play, especially when it comes to making decisions.

I have deliberately called it Marriage Mixed Marital Arts (MMMA) as many marriages have succumbed to all manner of evil tactics to achieve their “trophy”. They often include actions very similar to MMA or cage fighting.

·         Screaming

·         Threatening

·         Wrestling

·         Body slams

·         Headlocks

·         Arm bars

·          Arguing

·         Name calling

·         Archeological digs [throwing up old scenarios in which the other one made a bad decision, or somehow got the family into trouble

·         Punching, kneeing, stomping

·         Biting

·         Pinching

·         Property damage or destruction

·         Emotional, mental, and physical abuse

·         Silent treatments and cold shoulders

·         Door slamming

·         Screeching tires

·         Throwing of objects such as dishes, pots and pans and whatever is available, even favorite photos or memorabilia.

Ironically- all this from two people so madly in love with each other they can’t stand to be away from one another—one minute—the next they hate each other with a passion!!!

All of which may be labeled as Domestic Violence as it escalates resulting with the incarceration of one or both the sparring partners; hence the phrase MMMA. Readers may add to the list as deemed applicable!

Rules of Engagement

So, the question becomes: What are the rules of engagement in marriage? I’m so glad you asked. I’ve listed a few below (again you may add to the list as deemed appropriate):

Marriage needs its own set of rules of engagement or fair-play, especially when it comes to making decisions or simply getting along with one another. MMA is fought in the confines of a round cage whereas Marriage Mixed Martial Arts bouts are usually fought in the home, having access to all rooms, with exceptions of public places such as restaurants and grocery stores. While MMA usually has paying spectators for entertainment, MMMA might have innocent children used as pawns, but is usually battled out in privacy.

1.    The negative list above is off limits to both.

2.    Every discussion must begin and end with prayer asking God for wisdom and guidance and praising Him for answering prayer.

3.    The rules must be first clarified between both parties.

4.    Only one topic or issue may be addressed and resolved at a time. Such issue or topic may be set aside for later mutual consideration when an impasse is attained.

5.    No physical, mental, or emotional tactics are to be used by either spouse.

6.    Both parties have equal input into the topic at hand.

7.    Neither spouse has preeminence over the other.

8.    The degrading of one another’s views is absolutely prohibited. Each view is essential. To degrade an individual’s views is an attack on their person thereby exasperating escalating the situation and thereby not tolerated.

9.    Each party has the right to call a time out for further consideration…especially when it becomes evident that emotions are beginning to take control. A timeout infers that the discussion will continue at a later time; whereas simply walking out solves nothing.

10. Both parties have the express right to both be heard out and listened to.

11. Both parties have the express right to ask the other for clarification.

12. Whenever applicable Scripture must be used to guide the discussion.

13. Either party has the obligation to declare…”This discussion is going nowhere, let’s take a break and resume later when we’ve both had time to cool off”.

14. One or the other has the obligation to apologize for unbecoming behavior or verbal misuse otherwise known as humbling oneself. Most often the recipient of the apology usually voluntarily follows suit with an apology, thereby resulting in a more harmonious outcome.

15. Voice tone must be guarded with due diligence (the same words may be enunciated using different voice tones thus changing the meaning and intent).

16. Keeping in mind that everyone has feelings and therefore has the express right [not privilege] to let the other know when feelings have been tread upon. The other person then is obligated to acknowledge the same, apologize and repent for such actions whether intentional or otherwise.

17.  

Basically the rules are listed in Scripture as Jesus said: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you Matt.7:12; …³⁷Thou shalt love the Lord they God with all thy heart, and with all they mind, and with all thy soul…³⁹…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Matt.22:37; 39.

 ²³Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and rememberest thy brother [or spouse] hath ought against thee; ²⁴leave thy gift at before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. ²⁵Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and the officer cast thee into prison. Matt.5:23-25.

            All this must be accompanied by both humbling themselves before the Lord; seeking the good of a common goal. Only then can it be a win- win situation!

            In all my years in ministry I’ve encountered numerous couples on the verge of separation or divorce simply because they are playing by the wrong rules. I personally had to learn them to save my own marriage, and I’m constantly trying to improve in that area.

Author’s Note:

Not being a trained counselor, I offer my views and opinions as one having experienced firsthand the dilemmas experienced by others as well as having offered advice learned from those trained in the field of counseling and by simple observation of those in need. 1Cor.10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man… It is with this verse that I conclude that all men [and women] experience common maladies in life.

            Many have heard the old question: On a scale of 1 to 10…10 being the best… how would you rate your marriage? Time after time when I’ve posed that simple question to couples the man almost invariably cites a number from 3 to 5 points higher than the woman. And she usually responds, somewhat shocked, sometimes hysterically…What do you mean she exclaims!

            The next oblivious question becomes: What would it take for it to be a 10? Once again the gender responses are as diverse as night and day.

            The reason for the disparity is that women are naturally wired for relationships, they study their man. They read about marriage and relationships. They read True Romance, they watch soaps! Whereas men are hard wired for sports, cars, westerns, and such so we don’t have a clue when it comes to marriage and relationships. Men are at a distinct disadvantage in marriage and relationships. While little boys are playing with tricycles and cars the girls are playing house and playing with dolls. Each gender learning the craft to which they have been divinely called. The problem becomes of blending the genders to become one sweet harmonious unity working together for the common.

Author’s Note:  is guidance  His perfect will and way.a common goeal. only then can a win-win situation be accomplished..

Once domestic rules have been established the term MMMA should be dropped permanently.

….tghe  

Couples would do well to keep a copy of this on hand for future reference

Faith Building Practice and Review

1.    Can you relate to the list of negative actions?

2.    Remember, each party is to commit themselves to self advancement.

3.    On the negative list, circle all that pertain to you personally. [do not include that which you consider your spouses’ problems]

4.    Commit yourself to prayer purposing to overcome those you’ve circled.

5.    Remember also, that lasting change will not come overnight so give each other lots of room for growth and improvement.

6.    Be sure to replace the negative with positive.

7.    On a scale of 1 to 10—10 being the best…How do you rate your marriage?

8.    What will it take , on your part, for it to attain a 10?